Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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