***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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