She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
