We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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