he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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