I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
