i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
