I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
