I just made out with a guy for $7.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
