Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
