Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
