I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
