nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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