giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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