You're completely useless in the revolution.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
