I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
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Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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