Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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