Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Me too!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
