what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
