i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
