We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
