"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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