i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
