Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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