Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize