Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
