Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
