I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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