Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
