sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.