It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
