Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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