Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
