I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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