I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
