i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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