1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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