Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We got so high we made milksteak
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
