jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
