new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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