Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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