If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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