Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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