Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
