she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize