so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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