i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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