Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
