when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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