i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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