Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
