Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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