He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
