there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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