here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
