I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
