I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
