he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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