Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
