I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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