Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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