Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
