The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
