i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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