dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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