i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
