I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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