he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
