its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Edward fifth and chaser hands
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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