A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
